Do we believe in Horoscopes?

No.

Horoscopes, for the most part, are for weird hippy women who own twenty plus cats and have weird, smelly herb gardens. Whether this is because they took too many drugs, or have congenital brain damage is something for science to figure out.

Meanwhile, the fact that anyone believes this hocus-pocus proves that people are, on the whole - stupid.

With that said, the Horoscopes presented below are 100% accurate.

HOROSCOPES

CAPRICORN

You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

AQUARIUS

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand you are inclined to be careless and impractical Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk .

PISCES

You have a vivid imagination and often think you axe being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals and pick their noses.

ARIES

You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice . You are a prick.

TAURUS

You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.

GEMINI

You are quick and intelligent, and a thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However you are also a cheap bastard. Gemini's are liars, notoriously lousy lovers and thrive on incest.

CANCER

You are sympathetic and understanding to other peoples problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit.

LEO

You-consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards and kiss mirrors a lot.

VIRGO

You are the logical type and hate disorder. This shit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgo's make good bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA

You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

SCORPIO

You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpio people are murderers.

SAGITTARIUS

You are optimistic and overly enthusiastic You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck because you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks and potheads. People laugh at you lot because you are always getting fucked.