GIRLFRIEND COMMUNICATION GUIDE
Men
are from Mars? Women are from Venus? Please. We're all from the same Hell, and
it's called Earth. Here's some help to translate what she is saying so that you
don't end up being killed in your sleep.
WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND
SAYS Vs. WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND MEANS:
·
We need. = I want.
· It's your decision.
= The correct decision should be obvious by now.
· Do what
you want? = You'll pay for this later!
· We need to talk. = I
need to complain
· Sure... go ahead. = I don't want you to.
· I'm not upset. = Of course I'm upset, you retard.
·
You're look very manly. = You need a shave and you smell.
· You're
certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?
·
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = It's my period.
·
Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I feel fat.
· This kitchen
is so inconvenient. = I want a new apartment.
· I want new curtains...
= and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
· I need wedding
shoes. = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
· Hang
the picture there. = NO, I mean hang it there!
· I heard a noise.
= I noticed you were almost asleep.
· Do you love me? = I'm going
to ask for something expensive.
· How much do you love me? = I
did something today you're really not going to like.
· I'll be
ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
· Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
· You have to
learn to communicate. = You have to learn to agree with me.
·
Are you listening to me!? = (When you hear this it's too late. You're dead!)
· Yes. = No.
· No. = No.
· Maybe.
= No.
· I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
·
I'm not yelling! = Yes I'm yelling, because this is important.
In
answer to "What's wrong?"
·
The same old thing. = You.
· Nothing. = Everything.
·
Everything. = My PMS is acting up.
· Nothing, really.
= I hate you!
· I don't want to talk about it. = I'm not
ready to yell at you yet.
