MIXED DRINKS & SHOTS

The choices of cocktails are limited to ones we know are actually good. If you want a huge list you can go buy a bartending book and read through a million useless foul old people drinks (the types who sit in sad, depressing jazz clubs). Our staff has already done the research (years of liver damage) and found the weird drinks that don't suck and maybe will impress your friends.

These drinks are guaranteed to:

a. Not taste awful.
b. Get you seriously messed up.

We have a rating system for these drinks based on Percocets (a codeine-like pain killer which we need to write this website).

Percocet = Somewhat drunk.

Percocets = Wasted.

Percocets = "Mmm, cah, hmm? Yah!"

Percocets = Wake up in Jail.

SMURF

Ingredients:

1 oz Vodka
7 0z Orange Juice
4 oz Sprite
2 dashes Grenadine
Ice

Mixing instructions: Pour all the stuff into glass. Drink it.

RUM RUNNER

A favorite of Scott Smith! (SSmith76@aol.com) Ask him about the Tiki Bar in the Florida Keys, and how he spent the night on the roof of the Hotel afterwards. You can also ask him about "Project Greek God."

Ingredients:

1 1/2 oz Malibu Rum
1 oz Blackberry Brandy
3-4 oz Orange Juice
3-4 oz Pineapple Juice
3-4 oz Cranberry Juice

Mixing instructions: Pour all the stuff into glass. Drink it.

Note: For the adventurous, float some 151 Rum on the top. Gains it another percocet in the ratings (this was what Mr. Smith was drinking that night)

Bahama Mama

This drink was used after we dropped acid in the Florida Keys - just before we began "Project Greek God." This is hard to explain - so we won't.

Ingredients:

1/2 oz lemon juice
2 oz Orange Juice
2 oz Pineapple Juice
1 1/2 oz rum
1 oz coconut rum
1/2 oz Cherry Heering
1/2 oz Grenadine

Mixing instructions: Pour all the stuff into glass. Drink it.

Long Island Iced Tea

This will get you wasted. Often much more effective on women than a "roofie."

Ingredients:

1/2 oz Vodka
1/2 oz Tequila
1/2 oz Light Rum
1/2 oz Gin
1 oz Triple-Sec (thanks: "Man From Long Island" for the correction)
Top off with Coca-Cola
twist of lemon (or lime)

Mixing instructions: Pour all the stuff into glass. Drink it.

California Lemonade

Pleasant drink. After ten, you get a guaranteed DWI.

Ingredients:

2 oz Blended Whiskey
juice of 1 lemon
juice of 1 Lime
1 tblsp Powdered Sugar
1/4 tsp Grenadine
Carbonated Water

Mixing instructions: Pour all the stuff into glass. Drink it.

BASTARD SERIES
If you drink the whole series -rating=

This is from the "Rongovian Embassy to the USA." A weird bar in Trumansburg, New York. Only a few have done this series and found their car. Generally you end up waking up on a golf course somewhere.

1. Suffering Bastard
Ingredients:

1 oz Gin
1 oz Rum
1/2 oz Lime Juice
1 dash Bitters
1 oz Ginger Ale
Ice
Mixing instructions: Pour all the stuff into glass. Drink it.
2. Dying Bastard
Ingredients:

1 oz Brandy
1 oz Gin
1 oz Rum
1/2 oz Lime Juice
1 dash Bitters
1 oz Ginger Ale
Ice
Mixing instructions: Pour all the stuff into glass. Drink it.
3. Dead Bastard
Ingredients:

1 oz Brandy
1 oz Bourbon
1 oz Gin
1 oz Rum
1/2 oz Lime Juice
1 dash Bitters
1 oz Ginger Ale
Ice
Mixing instructions: Pour all the stuff into glass. Drink it.

Zombie

There was a bar in the basement of the Plaza Hotel in NYC (Trader Vic's) that made these things at their optimal strength. You've heard of "Paint Remover...?"

Well, this drink can be best described as "Prom Dress Remover!"

Ingredients:

1 oz Light Rum
1/2 oz Creme De Almond
1 1/2 oz Sweet And Sour
1/2 oz Triple Sec
1 1/2 oz Orange Juice
1/2 oz rum , 151 proof

Mixing instructions: Shake all ingredients (except 151 proof rum) with ice and strain into a collins glass over ice cubes. Float the 151 proof rum on top, add a cherry (if you are that anal), and serve.

*SHOTS*
(It's 5:00am we're tired of writing, so you just get the recipe now)

Lemon Drop

Ingredients:

1 shot Absolut Citron
1 slice lemon
1 tsp Sugar