The best way to beat one is NOT to get one, so we'll deal with that first.

WHAT NOT TO DO:

1. Don't act like a dick. If you act like a belligerent idiot, you will end up with a lot more than just a speeding ticket. More likely you will end up in jail with your car impounded!

2. Do not admit guilt. Say nothing, if possible. The cop can use your admission against you in court. Better to say nothing or act dumb (see below)

WHAT YOU MUST DO:

1. Say "yes Officer, no Officer" to everything. You want this over with - fast!

2. Act stupid. It helps, even cops don't want to torture the stupid!

3. Act scared! As if the tickets means the end of your life! Again, cops waver at this point. They may not write it if they feel sorry for you.

4. Act ignorant about what you did. Even if they give you a ticket at least you didn't admit you were speeding, which they will use in court against you later.

IF YOU GET A TICKET:

1. Don't argue the situation out on the road - you will not win! You don't want them to remember you when you do go to court. SAY NOTHING - then drive away.

2. Remember everything about the situation! How much traffic, the weather, which lane you were in. Write it down if you are too stoned to remember this stuff.

AFTER YOU GET THE TICKET/PRE-TRIAL PLEA OR APPEARANCE

1. Always plead 'not guilty.' This may be a pre-trial appearance, or you may be able to send in the ticket with 'not guilty' plea. Try to delay a pre-trial appearance if possible. There will be a specified date if you have to mail in the plea.

AS THE COURT DATE APPROACHES:

1. Very important. DELAY, DELAY, DELAY!!!!!! Keep putting off that court date! You don't want to go to court! You want to make it so the cop thinks the case is so far in the past he'll never remember anything. A small story: When John Hussar, the director of The Blur of Insanity went to college he got a speeding ticket (90 mph in a 55 mph zone) from a New York State Trooper. He successfully put off going to court for two and a half years (mainly by lying about going on various trips to Europe)!! When he final did show up in court he discovered that the Trooper had been transferred out of the area! The case was immediately dismissed!
The Lesson? The longer you wait the better chance the cop won't show up!

2. Request information (optional, it can work for you, or make them want to nail you more!) Also they may or may not give you any of this depending on local laws!:

a.Copies of manufacturers names, including makes, models and serial numbers of all radar/laser guns in use by the Town/City/State Police Department.

b. Copies of manufacturers recommended maintenance for all of the above stated radar guns.

c. Copies of any manufacturer literature as it relates to the correct use, including but not limited to mounting, aiming, weather and traffic limitations, for all radar guns in use by the Town/City/State Police Department.

d. A copy of the past six months' maintenance records for all of the above stated radar guns, including, but not limited to, calibration specifications.

e. A copy of the Authorized Certification of Training, issued to the Officer who gave you the ticket, in the proper use of all radar guns in use by that Town/City/State Police Department he/she works for.

f. A copy of the patrol car assignments for the date you got the ticket.

This should give you something to work with, and also make the cop not want to show up to deal with all this crap!

COURT - A FRIGHTENING PLACE

What happens in court:

1. Wear a suit, if you own one. If you look like a derelict, you will be treated like a derelict. We don't care if you think that is unfair! The world is not fair - grow up.

2. Be nice. Again, being a dick will just get you in trouble and solves nothing.

3. IT is the officers duty to prove you GUILTY. If he fails to prove your guilt the case will be dismissed.

BE confident that you will win the case!

Check the actual wording of the code you violated. If the officer fails to prove guilt in any part of the code then you should be dismissed.

BEFORE an officer can use the radar/laser reading as evidence, he has to establish a few things Jurisdiction Certification, up to date, accurate, traffic and engineering survey, radar/laser properly calibrated, tuning forks calibrated (with radar), FCC license, radar/laser unit appears on that FCC license

If the officer attempts to use the radar reading before establishing those things above, politely interrupt and say "objection your honor, inadmissible evidence."

Then tell the judge why. If the officer fails to prove your guilt at the end of his testimony don't question him, move to have the case dismissed. And explain what he failed to prove.

If the officer was moving when was his speedometer last calibrated? Have the records to see if he contradicts himself. If officer guesses your speed. throw something and ask him how fast it was going. If he is off by 3 MPH at 15 MPH speed then think about how far off he is at 35 MPH.

Were the speed limits prima facie? or Absolute? If prima facie then prove the speed you were traveling at wasn't unsafe.

ASK questions like: what color clothes was I wearing? did I have any passengers?

What was the weather like? To see how well versed the officer is.

See if you can attend traffic school in exchange for a dismissal of the charge (never bothers your insurance.)

OFTEN the worst part of a ticket is the increase in your insurance. By beating the ticket you don't have to worry about that...

Hopefully the cop won't show up - in which case you will ask that the case be dismissed - 99% of the time it will.

Anyway - there you have it. Good Luck. And if you beat a speeding ticket with any of this advice you have to make ten people you know go and see the movie!

ADVICE ON DWI TEST COMING NEXT